Divorce and Children....
As with any life change there are lessons to be learned and new vocabulary to conquer.  As I write this blog mainly for my children, I feel it is important to to provide some of the details about issues that lead to my divorce.  This is not easy to talk about and will be just as hard for you to read... Marisa and I met in 1970 in Snyder, Oklahoma.  It was a story book romance, we attended high school, undergraduate and graduate school together.  During high school we were inseparable and I must say we had a ball.   We made each other stronger and I do believe without each other we would not have made it through graduate schools.  Marisa always encouraged me and for that matter provided a role model for me when it came to studying.  Overtime by staying focused and sticking to our priorities we succeeded; Marisa getting a Master's in Botany and me a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine.

We had many hurdles through the years and I have always felt that some of these struggles contributed to our difficulties.  Marisa went one summer to work for my parents at their restaurant at Chimney Rock Colorado while I worked as a life guard in Lawton, Oklahoma.  At the end of the summer (1973) when I drove to Colorado to pick her up something had changed, through the years she has acknowledged this change but never provided an explanation. Over time we reconnected but it became a topic that was off limits and was a wedge between us and still is today.  The next life changing event was during our graduate schools days my brother Terry was in a mine explosion and passed away. I went to be with him in Tucson, AZ in his final days as he passed.  At the time I did not realize what a big thing this was for me.   We could not afford for Marisa and I to both go, so I went without her.  The plane ride was terrible as you might imagine.  The next three days were hell as I watched his life slip away.  I came back from that event mad at Marisa for not being there to support me.  In hind site it was not her fault but I could not shake the resentment.  So these two events contributed to infidelity on my part.

We moved from Canada to Oklahoma in 1982 and started a veterinary clinic in Clinton.  We recovered somewhat but we both had scars and resentment towards one another.  If we had gone to the therapist or sought the right help, we may have recovered but we immersed our selves in family life and never really addressed or knew how to address the rift between.

So you don't get the wrong impression I was overall very happy with my life and what we were doing and don't regret any of our decisions.  We loved each other very much and I still love Marisa even today and wish we were closer.  She has been a big part of my life and I cherish the memories.  We were very good (I think) as parents and providing a loving stable home for you kids but you will be a better judge of that.

Divorce is hard on everyone and not something that goes away just because the paper work is finalized.  Every holiday and birthday we are all reminded and we all have to live with it.  I did not anticipate the impact divorce would have on the family as a whole.

Within our relationship I was the go and Marisa was the stop.  We had issues through the years with me driving to fast and Marisa not wanting to drive at all.  Around 2009 Marisa filed for divorce, she had good reason, most of all I was never home.  She had settled into Fort Collins and had a stable future there.  I am not certain what the right decision was but have to believe Marisa did what was best for her.

After retiring from the Air Force I took a job back in Iraq working for the State Department. I will continue to write on this...

We hold these truths to be self evident!

We hold these truths to be self evident!

There are truisms that we have all come to accept and believe in… as a young boy I cannot be sure where I heard them but they were inculcated into my thinking as far back as I can remember. 

1.       Work hard and everything will be alright 

2.       Do the right thing for the right reasons

3.       Real-estate is a sure thing

I moved to Clinton, Oklahoma in 1982 from British Columbia, Canada and started a small animal veterinary clinic; Arrowcreek Animal Hospital.  When I moved there we were in the midst of an “oil boom.”  Houses were hard to find to buy and were almost double the price from the previous year.  I set about looking for commercial property to buy and found an old bait shop that looked like it would work.  If memory serves me, I paid 250 K for the bait shop/worm farm… but I had to remodel the whole thing.  We moved a mobile home on to the same property to live in and remodeled the building.  I did most of the work myself and the practice opened and was doing very well.  People for the most part had money and were not afraid to spend it on their pets.   Things started to fall apart in about 1985.  In Oklahoma the economy was measured in the number of “active” drilling rigs in the state.  As the price of oil dropped from 34$ a barrel to 14$ the economy tanked all within a six-month period.  This economic downturn was not shared by all the United States just the oil producing states.  

What did this mean for my family? Parts of this you can guess, making less money because a lot of people were out of work, cutting back my staff and tighten out belts in general.  But just an importantly prices on my property that I purchased in 1982 now were half the price I had originally paid.  But we were lucky because we were making enough money to continue to pay our monthly mortgages and feed our family.  

I had borrowed money from a small bank in Cordell, Oklahoma named Cordell National Bank, from a man named Frank kliewer. https://obits.oklahoman.com/obituaries/oklahoman/obituary.aspx?n=frank-kliewer&pid=139867248   He was extremely accommodating for young veterinarian without a dime to his name and loads of student debt.   He gave me a parking meter as a gift, not sure why he did, but I still have it.  He tried to get me to borrow more money for the remodel, but I was to afraid to borrow more.  Anyway in January of 1986 FDIC took over his bank and after reviewing all the documents they did something that even today seems odd to me, they called my loan on the veterinary practice even though I was current on my mortgage.  Now if you are like me you have no idea what this means so I will elaborate.  They wanted me to pay back or get a loan for my property from another bank.  As I indicated earlier the property was not worth what I paid and there were not any banks that would loan money on a piece of property that they could not use a collateral.  I did not have the cash to pay the difference, so I was forced to declare bankruptcy.  https://oklahoman.com/article/2174465/lawsuit-filed-for-loans-secured-by-failed-bank   

So why do I share this information with you?  Because I still believe in these truisms but with a jaded eye.  I work hard, I do the right thing for the right reasons and Real-estate can be a good purchase but you should not accept any of these at face value.  You must do your do-diligence and look at all the factors and this is especially true as you have more money.   

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Houston we have an issue....

My family starting with my Mom and Dad (Boyd and Martha) have a long history of substance abuse issues.   My parents both smoked until they were in the 50's.  I remember as a boy riding in the front seat of the car between my parents, no seat belt with both of them smoking and the windows rolled up.  I would move my head up and down into the smoke cloud out of the smoke cloud.  I loved the smell of a freshly lit cigarette.  They both drank as well and at different times in their life this habit negatively impacted our family.  My Dad would always say he was just having one drink but it was at least 5 shots of Seagrams with coke.   My Mom was mean when she drank and on more than one occasion she would get into an verbal altercation.
As the years passed and my brother and sisters have grown older we often compare notes as to where we are in life and the struggles we are enduring.   We have all migrated from beer, hard liquor to wine.  I enjoy wine every since I did a tour in Spain, red and dry.   Every night I will drink two to three glasses of wine prior to bed.  On Occassion I will drink a good scotch but as I grow older I pay for it the next day.  Why am I telling you all of this?
We have a tendency to over do it, over achievers you might say.  We have relatives that have lost control of their lives from drinking.  As the three of you grew up we would always encourage you to taste different libations around our house.  I don't recall why this happened but while we were in Fort Collins, Luke came home from school one day and wanted some beer.  I remember him having two or three and promptly getting sick.  I don't know if you will all remember the circumstances the same way but I don't think drinking for the most part was ever a big deal for you all.

I would recommend this approach for your own children, making this off limits until a certain age seems to work against kids.  When they become of age they have not had any experience with alcohol they tend to over do it especially when they go off to college.  A lot of my philosophy comes from Spain where kids are exposed to alcohol all through their youth.  Also, Spaniards frown on getting intoxicated and obnoxious in public.    I have always maintained, "getting drunk is not an excuse for being stupid."

P.S. Please also be careful with Jack Daniels Barbecue sauce, I have it on good authority that it will get you drunk...